One very important lesson i have learnt over the last two weeks of army is that, God is interested to train the spirit man, the emotional man and even the physical man. This lesson is gem in my eyes. I really appreciate this time of testing and moulding of all three areas of my life.

Last monday morning, i attended my first commanders training. Man....that was tough. I did my jogs in Australia, but boy is that standard far from that of the army. Haha. And i thought i was in for an easy time for the remainder of my service term for the nation. With regards to the training, i was having mixed feelings about it, on one hand, i was excited about the training i was receiving and how i could take this opportunity to train my fitness and look better on my wedding day. But on the other hand......i was literally suffering, the pain in my legs, bones and even my heart. And the worst part is that we are going to have these training TWICE a WEEK!!! At the end of these four months, you will either see a rather fit Me, or a very trashed and worn out me. I am chosing to believe that its the 1st you would see. :)

See, thats the physically part that God is training within me to endure the toughness and hardships of life. Now for the emotional part that God is training. That is well...harder to put into words, really. At the beginning when i first resumed my service, i really felt lost, abandoned and lonely. I felt like i was thrown into a prison of robots wearing green, and that if i wanted to blend in, i would also have to be like a robot; be emotionless. I didn't have much friends to talk to, no one to share my worries and pain with. Those times were really the times when God used to strengthen my emotional man.
I had to learn to fully depend on God, since there wasn't anyone else around me to help me. I had consistant Q.T, spent much times of the day praying in tongues and just crying out to Him for help. Soon, i was able to stand more firmly and consider that God's purpose for me in the army shall not go to waste.

"In my life be lifted high, In my world be lifted high, In my love be lifted high." the words i want to live out even when am in my lowest pits of my life.

Then finally, as God was restoring my emotional man, He at the same time built my spirit man. For this very reason, I thank God for everything that He has placed me through and because of such desperate times, God drew me closer and closer to Him.

Thus, treasure every single moment of your life. Treat every second as an important opportunity to learn and lift God's name higher and higher. My deepest prayer is that those people in my camp will be touched through my lifestyle. May God bring that to past!

Miss you all! Do continue to strive in your walk with God!

kelvin spun on 9:39 pm.
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Over the past few weeks, i have been broken and torn apart by God for a reconstruction of a new product that God wants to form.

What happened to me the last few weeks was undescribable, and i really pray that not everyone has to go through that sort of struggle to realise that they need God to be in the centre of their lives.

When i came back to Singapore, i thought that things was going to be just fine. After all, i have lived in Singapore for like 22 years before going to study in Brisbane. So adjusting back to nice comfortable Singapore wouldn't be any worry or trouble at all. Thus the first week was alright. But the struggle came when i was once again enlisted into the ARMY. That was when the real breaking down process came. That was when my 'freedom' was taken away from me. I felt so lost, so trapped, so depressed and so helpless. I couldn't do anything about it and i really wanted to just break a leg and ask for another posting to another camp which is much less stressful.

What happened was that different camps have different schedules. The one that I am in, is currently going through many inspections and is currently operationally ready. So things are currently quite upbeat at the moment, and people around are stressed and it causes me to be stressed as well. My first day back at camp, was such a terrifying experience. I really wanted to just run out of the camp; fear just overwhelmed me. That was when i realised that i couldn't depend on anyone else except God Himself. No matter how much i talked to anyone else, i wouldn't be able to feel better, because i know the situations wouldn't change because i talked to someone else.

The change came, when i had to slowly learn to commit my worries, fears and be fully dependent upon God alone. My Q.T was super regular, sometimes even twice a day and i kept reading the bible for more encouragement and assurance. This past one week was really much much better. I could see that God has really started to mould me into the person He wants me to be. I have already started to begin to work like never before, though the fear of making mistakes still creeps upon me at times, but i am learning to trust God to help me, and even though i may still make mistakes, i am going to trust God that He has a very good reason for it.

So for those who are reading this entry, may you learn from my experience to start trusting God and leaning your total dependence upon Him before bad times come then you'll find it harder at the beginning. I don't know how to fully describe to you all how i felt, but it was terrible, very very terrible. I have never cried so much, it felt like the Holy Spirit left me and let me feel how its like trying to live life by my own strength. Sometimes when you are ok, and have many friends around you, many things to do, you might not realised that you have 'shelfed' God aside and walking on your own strength. Becareful, be alert and on guard, don't let that happen to you, renew your experience of your first love with God everyday; let your experience of God be a refreshing one with every new day.

May God bless you all!

kelvin spun on 1:01 pm.
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kelvin spun on 9:22 am.
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